Ik las gisteren een heerlijk bericht op de website van AT5, over een nieuwe truc van cybercriminelen die neppe bitcoinpapieren met een qr-code zogenaamd lieten rondslingeren. 

AT5: “Na enig onderzoek blijkt echter dat er de afgelopen tijd een aantal meldingen zijn gedaan door omwonenden van het hotel die op straat doorzichtige zakjes hebben gevonden met een Bitcoin paper wallet daarin. Dit is een stuk papier met persoonlijke gegevens erop waarmee je toegang krijgt tot cryptomunten. Volgens de politie zijn de papieren moeilijk van echt te onderscheiden. Wie de code scant, komt op een internetpagina uit en kan daar geld overmaken, zogenaamd in ruil voor Bitcoins. ‘Niet alleen krijg je de Bitcoins niet, je gegevens zijn ook meteen bekend bij cybercriminelen’, schrijft de politie.”

Cybercriminelen zijn de pioniers van de hedendaagse zwendel en oplichterij en weten precies waar hebzuchtige idioten gevoelig voor zijn. Deze moderne truc met de bitcoinportemonnee doet mij denken aan mijn woeste wilde jaren, toen ik een hoed van mijn vader op straat legde, met daaronder een baksteen, in de hoop dat een fietser tegen de hoed ging schoppen. Een andere poets was die van de portemonnee met daaraan een touwtje. En ik liet pa eens een gulden aan een spijker solderen, en die spijker hamerde ik dan in de stoep voor onze deur. Lachen, gieren, brullen achter de gordijnen van Casa Van Amerongen aan de Nachtegaallaan in Ede, de parel van de Veluwe. Good clean fun for the whole family. 

Mijn kattenkwaad heeft natuurlijk niets te maken met flessentrekkerij en cyberfraude, maar ik toon hier mee aan dat de mens een onnozel wezen is dat er om vraagt bedonderd te worden. Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur: de wereld wil bedrogen worden, dus wordt zij bedrogen.

Ik verbaas mij elke dag weer over het bombardement van frauduleuze mails in mijn spambox. Op Fraudehelpdesk.nl staan de nieuwste foefjes en voor de oudjes onder ons heeft Seniorweb.nl een overzichtje van nepmails. De nepmails zijn zo doorzichtig dat ik denk: als je zo stom bent als het achtereind van een varken om hier in te stinken, dan verdien je dat ook. 

Ik krijg nog steeds zeker twintig mails per week van de dikke Nigeriaanse prins die mij gouden bergen belooft. Lees hier alles over de beruchte 419-scam. 

Zo kreeg ik niet zo lang geleden een brief van [email protected]. Ik was zo verbouwereerd door de brutale toonzetting van deze oplichter, dat ik besloot hem terug te mailen. Ik ben normaliter een taalnazi maar om de authenticiteit van de brief te bewaren, heb ik alle typo’s en taalfouten er in laten staan. 

Zo begon het: 

Ernest: “Am in a hurry writing you this note, Just wanted to seek your help on something very important, you are the only person i could reach at this point, and i hope you come to my aid. Because something very terrible is happening to me now, i need a favor from you now, I had a trip here in Scotland on a mission. Unfortunately for me all my money got stolen on my way to the hotel where i lodged along with my bag were my passport was, And since then i have been without any money i am even owing the hotel here. So i have limited access to emails for now, please i need you to lend me about 1400Pounds so i can make arrangements and return back please,i have spoken to the embassy here but they are not responding to the matter effectively, I will return the money back to you as soon as i get home, I am so confused right now. I will be waiting to hear from you. Regards Ernest”

Ik: “Dear mr. Koch, what a terrible situation. My name is Arthur, i am from Holland. Is there any way i can help you. If you send me the details of your hotel, i can wire them the money you have to pay them, all the best in the meanwhile.”

Ernest: “Thanks for your concern, I’m very sorry if this letter came to you as a surprise, I told the police immediately after in the incident and all necessary steps has been taking and they also gave me a police report to the embassy and the embassy are only get me a temporary document in replacement of my stolen passport. i feel so helpless and rejected. Any amount which you are able to raise will go along way in helping me. and i promise to pay back as soon as am back home since i know you also need money for your personal  need, Also keep me in prayer because that matters a lot. Please i need you to help me monetarily, Because i have no means of surviving here, I need you to wire me some money through western union. will be checking out of the hotel today due to the fact that i was unable to pay my bill, I still have a close contact with the embassy and will be getting a temporary paper in replacement of my passport, I lost my cell phone during the incident and i have no penny to call from a pay phone if not i would have love to talk to you on the phone, I hope to hear from you soon and keep you updated about all improvement and  will explain the entire story to you when am back home.

Thank You

Ernest”

Ik krijg nog steeds zeker twintig mails per week van de dikke Nigeriaanse prins die mij gouden bergen belooft.

Ik: “Dear Ernest, what a dreadful situation. Me and my wife are baptists and we certainly are praying for you. In the meanwhile i am thinking about a financial situation. I live in Schagen in the Netherlands and I am to old to travel, but we have a good friend living in Newcastle. Kojo is from Ghana, we met him in church. He is a honest and pious fellow, maybe he can come to see you in Schotland. In which city are you? I would love to help you financially, our little congregation has a special fund for this kind of situations. In that case, I need some kind of identifcation from your side. I trust you, but our church has a very serious bookkeeper. Could you fax us something, a copy of your temporary document? Your name is very German, are you from that magnificent country? Koch is also a Jewish name of cause, I have fond memories of Ed, the mayor of New York. Hope to hear from you soon, you are in our prayers. God bless you, young man

All the best,

Arthur and Greetje”

Ernest: “Thank you very much and i deeply understand your point and please respect my dignity for god sake because i’m not comfortable here i’m this is an unfortunate situation for me and i never experience such before and i will be pleased and happy if you can easily locate a western union outlet around and transfer the money. I will pay you back as soon as i get home but all i need now is funds i have already settle some bills so the problem is not much like before but i still need funds to get things in order. I received 350 pounds from a friend in Liverpool and he sent the money to me via western union with out any error or query,  So please try and understand me better this is not a standard hotel and i have to find my way out of here as soon as possible the hotel phone got disconnected during the incident and they are working on it for now only their internet connection is available and thats why i have been able to get in touch with my contact and friends.

I came here for a confidential purpose and i dont want to be exposed and i think i could confide in you thats why i contacted you in the first place but if you know that you are not capable of helping me please dont bother your self i know God will take me out of here when it is time. I’m still trying to contact some friends but they are not responding yet.  Thank you once again.

Ernest”

Arthur: “Dear brother Ernest, I talked to some members of my church. They have a few doubts since they don’t know you. Not so long ago we had a problem with some people from Nigeria. They stayed with us in Schagen and they pretented to be missionairies. In the end a few things were missing from our church, things with emotional value and some money that we were supposed to send to the oppressed christians of Ambon. They are being slaughtered by very cruel muslims on this once beautiful island, our former colony. One of the daughters of sister Anna, a wonderful member of our church, had a horrifying experience with four of these so called Christians from Nigeria, I dont want to go into details. All I can say is that it happened in the vestry of our church. 

We are not racist, we believe in the teachings of the Good Book and Jesus Christ, but we decided not to help black people anymore. Thank God that your name sounds very European, even Jewish, and that helps a lot. Why dont you send us your details and the address of Western Union in Schotland, than we will have a thought about it, tonite or tomorrow morning. If that doesn’t work, we can send brother Kojo from Ghana with the 1400 pounds. We can even make it 2000 pounds, so you have a safe trip home. Where can he meet you, maybe at a Nigerian consulate?”

Ernest: “You know am in a problem than asking me questions, So if you really want to help me out of this problem please locate a western union and send what ever you can afford, Or if you feel that you can not help thats fine with, But i know God will not leave me here. But please hurry up, you evil racist!”

Arthur: “Brother Ernest, you are a naughty boy from Nigeria. The devil wil get you, you are a sinner. You will burn in hell.”

En toen bleef het stil, vreemd genoeg. Maar wat heb ik gelachen, mensen. 

Ik sluit af met een vrolijk liedje van Gerard Cox

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